Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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