"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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