remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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