I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
