Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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