My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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