omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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