i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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