Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
