dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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