Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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