I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
True strength comes from lack of pants
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
