a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
