So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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