Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
