I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
