I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
