There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
