i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
