My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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