I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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