Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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