HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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