i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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