You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
