I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
