Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
