dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to sanitize my soul.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
