I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
