yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
