barbara walters just said penis...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
