I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
