I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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