Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
