how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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