its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
