A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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