I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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