I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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