My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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