you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
