You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
