So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
