Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
