I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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