butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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