Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
