apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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