Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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