I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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