I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
