Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
sex in a hospital.. check
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
