You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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