I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
