High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
