Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
